Interpersonal conflicts in teams are inevitable. Throw together diverse personalities, competing priorities, and the stress of deadlines, and sparks are bound to fly. But here’s the thing: Conflict isn’t the problem. Avoiding it is.
Consider this scenario that I’ve seen all too often:
A team leader noticed that one of their team members was consistently missing deadlines and delivering subpar work. Instead of addressing the issue directly, the leader chose to avoid conflict, hoping the problem would resolve itself. They gave vague, surface-level feedback, like “You’re doing fine” or “Let’s just try to get things done on time,” rather than offering honest, constructive input.
Over time, the lack of clarity created frustration among the rest of the team. Other members had to pick up the slack, and resentment began to build. The team started questioning the leader’s ability to address problems, and trust eroded—not just between the leader and the struggling team member but among the entire group.
The situation came to a head when a critical project fell apart because of miscommunication and uneven contributions. What could have been a manageable issue turned into a full-blown team breakdown—all because the leader avoided the discomfort of having an honest conversation.
Avoiding conflict actually creates more conflict.
A study revealed that 85 percent of employees experience conflict to some degree, with 29 percent dealing with it almost constantly. Another 49 percent of workplace conflicts arise from personality clashes and “warring egos,” and 34 percent are due to workplace stress.
This research reinforces that when we avoid conflict, root causes get ignored, leading to increased stress and personality clashes. Proactively managing conflicts rather than sidestepping them is critical for cultivating great teamwork.
In healthy team cultures, for instance, conflict isn’t seen as a threat. It’s embraced as an opportunity to grow, connect, and create something better. But how do you transform the tension of conflict into something constructive?
The answer lies in the small, in-between moments that shape team culture every day.
Culture Grows in the Small Moments
Culture isn’t built in quarterly off-sites or lofty mission statements. It grows in those messy human interactions—when a teammate decides to ask a hard question instead of silently stewing or when someone admits they don’t have all the answers. Culture grows when leaders and team members alike lean into the discomfort, choosing connection over control and vulnerability over perfection.
For teams to navigate conflict effectively, they need an environment where everyone feels safe enough to speak up, brave enough to disagree, and valued enough to stay engaged. That’s not about avoiding the hard stuff; it’s about creating space for it.
Lean Into Discomfort
I recently wrote about a leader I deeply admire who once told me that growth doesn’t happen in safe places. It happens in the stretch, in the moments that make us pause and question ourselves. This is especially true in conflict. When teams lean into discomfort—admitting what they don’t know, owning mistakes, and engaging in honest dialogue—they unlock something powerful: trust.
But trust doesn’t mean everyone gets along all the time. It means people feel comfortable bringing their full selves to the table, even when it’s messy. They share half-formed ideas, admit when they’re struggling, and challenge the status quo without fear of retribution.
Conflict as a Source for Growth
The best teams don’t avoid conflict; they use it as a catalyst for deeper connection and innovation. Here’s how:
- Normalize Vulnerability: When leaders model vulnerability—admitting mistakes, asking for help, or sharing doubts—it sets the tone for others to do the same. Vulnerability isn’t weakness; it’s the foundation of trust.
- Separate Intent from Impact: Many conflicts escalate because people assume the worst about each other’s intentions. Encourage your team to get curious instead of defensive. Ask questions like “Can you tell me more about what you meant?” or “How did you arrive at that view?”
- Create Psychological Safety: This means fostering a setting where people feel safe to speak their minds without fear of being judged or punished. It’s not about avoiding discomfort—it’s about creating space for honest conversations.
- Tell Me More: Practice this mantra for a week. As soon as you hear someone say something you don’t like or something disagree with, instead of acting on the impulse to be in disagreement with them, try saying “Tell me more.”
We often react immediately to what we hear or see without knowing or understanding more. When we do this, the conversation becomes about something else and often arguments or debates are a distraction or avoidance of a real truth or innovation that wants to emerge if we just sit with the tension long enough.
Most of the arguments I witness with my clients are actually avoidance tactics: They’re avoiding a hard truth and seeing the situation from a place of scarcity; someone has to win and someone has to lose. We don’t challenge those assumptions regularly, and we often forget about the collective win. Encourage your team (and yourself) to reflect on the stories you bring into conflict. In other words, are you avoiding it because it’s uncomfortable? Are you clinging to the need to be “right”? Self-awareness can transform how you show up in tough conversations.
Progress Over Perfection
At its core, navigating conflict is less about “getting it right.” Real culture isn’t perfect—it’s a work in progress. It’s built in the moments when teams choose connection over convenience, purpose over ego, and progress over perfection.
Conflict isn’t something to fear; it’s an opportunity to deepen trust, foster creativity, and build a culture where everyone feels valued and heard. So the next time tension rises on your team, ask yourself: What’s the opportunity here?
What could this conflict teach us about each other—and about the kind of team we want to be?
Remember, culture isn’t something you design in a vacuum. It’s something you shape in the messy, magical, in-between moments. Lean into them. That’s where the real work—and the real growth—happens.
