People-pleasing is one of the fastest ways to lose yourself. We grow up believing that harmony is the goal—that keeping the peace means saying yes when we want to say no, softening our edges so others don’t feel uncomfortable, and putting everyone else’s needs ahead of our own. (Check out my post about navigating conflict.)
But here’s the truth: You will never please everyone. And trying to will only leave you exhausted, resentful, and disconnected from the person you’re meant to be.
Viola Davis’s journey in Finding Me is a powerful example of what happens when you stop bending yourself to fit other people’s expectations and start embracing who you truly are. She didn’t rise to success by making everyone comfortable. She didn’t find joy in being who the world expected her to be. She found freedom—and purpose—by stepping fully into her story, flaws and all.
Pleasing Everyone Means Abandoning Yourself
For years, I thought that being agreeable was the path to connection. That if I could just be easygoing enough, helpful enough, or likable enough, I’d be valued. But in reality, the more I prioritized other people’s comfort, the more I disappeared. And I’ve seen this play out time and time again in teams, relationships, and leadership—when we try to be everything for everyone, we lose ourselves in the process.
Davis’s story is a reminder that self-acceptance isn’t about loving yourself on just the good days. It’s about standing in your truth even when it makes other people uncomfortable. It’s about choosing integrity over approval. And, sometimes, it’s about letting people be disappointed in you so that you don’t have to be disappointed in yourself.
The Cost of Living for Approval
There will always be someone who thinks you’re too much. Too ambitious. Too opinionated. Too quiet. Too emotional. And that’s OK. Because their approval isn’t the price of your happiness.
Think about the leaders, artists, and changemakers who have made the biggest impact. Not one of them got there by diluting their truth to fit into a mold. They leaned into who they were, no apologies, and let the right people find them.
What If You Started Living for Yourself?
So here’s my challenge to you:
- The next time you feel the pressure to make someone else comfortable at your own expense, pause. Ask yourself “Am I about to betray myself for someone else’s approval?”
- Start noticing where you shrink yourself in conversations at work or in relationships.
- Remind yourself that you are worthy—not because of what you do for others but because of who you are.
You don’t need permission to take up space. You don’t need approval to own your truth. And you certainly don’t need to please everyone to be enough.
