Have you ever stopped to consider how many teams you work with on a given day at home, in your community, and at work? Studies suggest that 70 to 80 percent of our time at work is spent in teams or participating in collaborative activities, such as meetings, brainstorming sessions, and problem-solving.
While it’s important to focus on self-awareness and work through our own limiting beliefs or behaviors, it’s equally critical to consider how our interactions affect others and their ability to work with us easily.
One of the most common reasons leaders enlist my help is that they’re trying to break through barriers that teams often have unintentionally created. Over time, those barriers calcify and cause teams to get stuck in dysfunctional patterns. Before you begin unpacking individual behaviors, start by reviewing six common myths about teamwork that can clog your potential.
1. Myth: Teamwork is about getting along, and harmony is the ultimate goal.
Reality: Teamwork is about achieving shared objectives, which sometimes requires pushing through discomfort or dissent. Just because something is agreed upon doesn’t mean people actually agree. Psychological safety matters; if there isn’t enough psychological safety in a team, the safest thing to do is agree. False agreement is toxic and creates confusion, misalignment, and mistrust.
2. Myth: Teams always make better decisions than individuals.
Reality: Poor communication, groupthink, or unclear leadership can derail decision-making. Limited communication also stifles feedback, which is critical for course correction and can frustrate team members and undermine trust.
3. Myth: Diversity automatically leads to better team performance and automatically outperforms a homogenous team.
Reality: Diversity requires intentional inclusion and collaboration to unlock its potential. Inclusion goes beyond making sure diverse individuals are present; it involves actively involving everyone in the process and making sure all voices are heard, valued, and respected. Inclusion requires creating an environment where team members feel safe to express themselves.
4. Myth: Team-building activities solve all problems; trust falls and retreats are great fixes.
Reality: True teamwork requires consistent effort, communication, and shared goals—not just occasional events. Regular collaboration fosters a deeper sense of connection among team members, which in turn makes the team more effective when tough situations arise.
5. Myth: The team leader always knows best, and the leader should have all the answers.
Reality: Great leaders empower team members to contribute their expertise. Clear leadership can also improve morale, boost team confidence and direction, decrease anxiety, and improve motivation to act.
6. Myth: High-performing teams are self-directed highly paid adults who should know what to do and when to do it on their own.
Reality: Clear roles, expectations, and accountability are essential for sustained success. Effective team leaders provide clarity, set expectations, and cultivate a structured environment where decision-making can occur smoothly and collaboratively.
It’s no accident that I started this list with a myth about “getting along.” I’ve prioritized this topic because most of us grow up without learning how to handle conflict constructively.
In our families, conflict is often avoided, explosive, or resolved unevenly. Schools focus on compliance and cooperation but rarely teach the skills needed for tough, honest conversations. At work, conflict is either swept under the rug or managed poorly, leaving people to fend for themselves.
The reality is that healthy conflict—where tough issues are addressed with respect, openness, and a focus on solutions—is a learned skill, not an innate one. It requires unlearning bad habits, practicing vulnerability, and building environments where trust makes disagreement safe. Without intentional effort, most teams default to silence, defensiveness, or dysfunction.
If I were to guess how many of the thousands of leaders I’ve worked with assess themselves as highly skilled and comfortable with conflict, more than 75 percent of them would rate themselves as such. When I explore that assessment with their respective direct reports and peers, fewer than 25 percent agree. It’s a hard truth about conflict among leaders. Consider 10 more hard truths about conflict in this list:
1. It Requires Psychological Safety.
Teams cannot engage in honest disagreements unless members feel safe to speak up without fear of ridicule, retaliation, or judgment. Leaders must actively foster this environment.
2. It’s Uncomfortable.
Healthy conflict isn’t about feeling good—it’s about addressing issues head-on, even when it feels awkward or tense. Discomfort is a sign of growth, not failure.
3. Egos Have to Be Checked.
Personal pride and defensiveness often derail healthy conflict. Team members must prioritize shared goals over their need to be “right” or maintain authority.
4. It Demands Clear Boundaries.
Healthy conflict requires rules of engagement: no personal attacks, no interrupting, and a commitment to respectful dialogue. Without boundaries, conflict quickly becomes destructive.
5. Listening Is a Skill—and It’s Rare.
Most people listen to respond, not to understand. Healthy conflict works only if team members actively listen, validate others’ perspectives, and remain open to being wrong.
6. It Needs a Shared Purpose.
Without a clear, shared goal, conflict can feel like personal battles rather than problem-solving. Teams must anchor disagreements to their collective mission or objectives.
7. Leaders Have to Model It.
If leaders avoid conflict, dismiss concerns, or punish dissent, the team won’t take risks in their own disagreements. Leaders need to demonstrate vulnerability and openness in conflicts.
8. It Takes Time.
Healthy conflict doesn’t emerge overnight. Teams must build trust and practice over time, often failing and learning before they succeed.
9. Accountability Is Nonnegotiable
If team members are unwilling to address or own their role in conflict, issues will fester. Accountability, both self-directed and group-enforced, is essential.
10. It’s About the Work, Not the Person
Teams must focus on critiquing ideas, strategies, and processes—not personalities. Shifting the lens from “who is wrong” to “what’s not working” changes the tone and outcome of conflict. Healthy conflict is the backbone of strong teams, innovative solutions, and lasting relationships. But it doesn’t happen by accident. It requires courage, commitment, and deliberate practice to break old patterns and embrace new ways of engaging with your team. By embracing these hard truths and prioritizing trust, accountability, and respect, teams can transform conflict from a source of tension into a powerful tool for growth. Conflict isn’t something to fear—it’s an opportunity to create something better, together.
